Encouragement for the first few weeks

I'm mainly writing this because I want to remind myself of how difficult the first few weeks are with a precious little baby. (If I ever decide to submit myself to this torture again! Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic...I'll blame it on the hormones.)

Don't get me wrong, my Gideon is PERFECT! He is the cutest, most wonderful baby on planet Earth. He's even cute when he poops! The cuteness dwindles a tad when I realize the poop has shot out onto his back and sleeper, and then seeped through onto my shirt and pants.

Those first couple of weeks were exhausting. I was recovering from almost 48 hours with no sleep, I had no clue what I was doing (do I now?), and all I wanted to do was take 1000 photos of Gideon with every facial expression, outfit, and appearance of emotion.

My milk started to come in, he seemed to be growing well, and everyone was happy.

I felt like I had this parenting thing under control...for about a day! It's all a bit of a blur, but I remember that we started having a hard time getting him to go to sleep. He woke up to the world and it wasn't as simple as it had been. We had a rough few days, and he probably went through a growth spurt somewhere in there. I don't even remember!

Once again, we figured out how to help him to sleep, I started experimenting with feeding which helped with spit up off and on, and I continued to regain energy. We had a couple of bumps in the road: we pushed it too much one weekend, which completely wore me out, and I had an infection that took a few days to get over. Overall, though, things were going well.

Sometime after four weeks, he refused to do much of anything but be held while awake (and falling to sleep). No more sitting him in the bouncer while I make food, no more laying him on the play mat so I can pick up a bit. And, of course, he must be help upright, preferably over my shoulder. Talk about exhausting.

When he was about five and a half weeks, things got really wonky. He wouldn't go down to sleep anymore, sometimes taking an hour or longer to fall asleep! His naps, especially the morning ones, started becoming shorter and shorter (down to about thirty minutes). He missed a couple of naps because he wouldn't sleep. And then, the dreaded six week growth spurt. At least, that's what I think it is. We're still in the middle of it. He ate about every two hours yesterday, slept a decent stretch after feeding at 9:30pm, and then I was up every two hours. All. Night. And he wouldn't go back down to sleep easily. I thought we were over that for good.

We did buy a little portable swing and he seemed okay in it for about fifteen minutes while I made some lunch this afternoon. He's gone to sleep with only about 10-15 minutes of fussing for his naps today. I'm standing on God's promise that his grace is sufficient to carry me through and that His strength is more than enough to take care of Gideon.

And I'm encouraged that this is a, hopefully short, season!

There's not much compromising with a six-week-old

The only constant in life is change. This idea was introduced to me as a fumbling young graduate student in my Marriage and Family Therapy program. I felt pretty good about myself, like I had it all together. I mean, I was a graduate student, after all. That made me pretty important, right?

Two years later, I felt like I had been slapped in the face one two many times and I had learned much about myself (like the fact that I'm not really that important, after all). Since graduating almost two years ago (how has it been that long?!), I have struggled with many "life issues." Whether or not to work full time, when to start a family, what does God want to do with my life already?

Now that we have our first baby, where do I find myself? Back at "the only constant in life is change." If you know me very well at all, you know that I'm a fairly structured, routine driven person. If you know babies at all, you know that they are the most unstructured and routine-less human beings. Guess who has to give in this scenario? There's not much compromising with a six-week-old.

So, lesson re-learned from grad school: I can take comfort in knowing that my constant is change. If I'm being honest, I know that change is good. Change is growth, literally when it comes to my baby. If only I'd see other changes in my life as the invisible growth that makes me a better person.

I will not forget you

I feel like I only post when things have been really difficult. It seems like those difficult moments are the times that bring the most clarity to my life. Those are the moments in which I learn the greatest lessons and make the largest strides in my journey. We persevere through trials and the work that is done in us produces maturity (James 1:2-4).

Being a new mom is challenging. Anyone that has been a new parent knows this; anyone who has not has surely heard this to be true. As I sat quietly with the Lord, listening to what He has likely been trying to tell me for a while now, I realized that He doesn't want me to do everything just right in taking care of Gideon. God is not interested in my perfection. He is interested in my affection.

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" (Isaiah 49:15) Even in my most desperate moments of frustration, I quickly remember how much I love my sweet baby. I could never forget Gideon or run out of compassion for him. And although there are earthly mothers who can do this (which is hard for me to even imagine), God promises that He will never forget us!

My compassion, my love for Gideon, is all that I need to be a good mother to him. It is my affection that he needs, not my perfection. As I lay down my life for my son, I am fulfilling the calling to which I have been chosen: Gideon's mother. And I am reminded that God's love, His unfailing compassion, is always there to be my saving grace. It will never run out. My love for Gideon is but a shadow of the perfect love that God has for me.