Fun in the fall

Time goes too quickly. What have we been up to in the past couple of months?

Halloween was a blast! The weather was great, Gideon stayed up a little past his bedtime, and we had a little too much candy on our hands. :)

We played.

Grant and I went on a couple of dates.

 We cozied in to keep warm from the cold.

We played some more.

We climbed in, over, and around anything baby level.

We also took traveled to DisneyWorld and celebrated Thanksgiving there.

Check out the next post for those highlights.

Don't be so black and white

Whew! Life with a baby on the move is...busy! I would like to update more often, but I guess that's how life goes sometimes. We have enjoyed our first Halloween, our first Thanksgiving, and our first big vacation in the past couple of months. So much fun!

I've noticed a few blog posts and articles lately about enjoying every moment, every day with your children. I think I posted about this a few months back, and it struck me again today that the balance between everyday life and enjoying every moment can be difficult. I'm a black and white person. My husband often teases me that I take him too seriously (and then I take his teasing seriously...oh boy!). So, when I hear these older, wiser people telling me to enjoy every moment, I feel my blood pressure rise instantly as I stress out about all of the moments I haven't "savored."

But, today, I spent a few precious moments nursing and cuddling my baby boy on the couch. We were both relaxed and snuggly, which is a rare occurrence for my busy boy. The sun warmly enveloped us through the window.

It was perfect. Those moments are etched into my mind.

I did the dishes and the laundry today. I worked out. I cleaned up the house. Life happened today, but those moments aren't etched into my mind. It's good that life happened, or I'd be living in a slop house, but my life is not summed up by the checkmarks on my to-do list.

There's still a mess in the living room. The trash is partway taken out. I need to sort through pictures. (The list goes on.) All was not accomplished today, but that's okay because I savored today with my baby boy.

Halloween - A bumblebee riding his horse

Visiting the familay in Ioway

Our first visit to Iowa is in the books. Traveling with a baby is so much different than before. We left in the late afternoon so that we would be driving during part of Gideon's nighttime. It paid off, because he slept through the second half of the drive. It reminded me of being in college and leaving after classes. Only this time, I had to get up at 6am when Gideon woke up. Life has definitely changed.

Gideon christened just about everyone with a little spit up...they're officially part of the club now! ;) We visited grandma and Bri at their schools, went to Niabi Zoo (where a petting zoo goat bit my finger!), walked at the Discovery Center, and spent a lot of time playing.

Here are a few of our favorite pictures from the trip (we haven't even uploaded our phone pictures yet, so there are a few missing):

Visiting a very proud grandma at work

Meeting great grandpa for the very first time!

Sleepy baby with Bri

Doing what boys do - watching sports with grandpa

Hanging out with great aunt Alice :)

It's so hard to leave when we are having so much fun, grandma!

We can't wait for our next visit with the family. In the meantime, we are so very grateful for Skype!

Love,

the George family

Clove oil for teething

Gideon cut his first tooth a few weeks ago, just in time for our long drive to Iowa! It seems like he was teething forever, and yet I can't believe that our baby has a tooth! For some reason, he seems like such a big boy with his (two!) little teeth peeking through.

 So cute with his two bottom teeth!

With all of the teething remedies to choose from, I was a little overwhelmed when making my choice. I've used Hyland's gel, and although I think it works well, the most effective remedy I've found is clove essential oil, a natural analgesic. I've discovered the wonder of essential oils over the past several months, and I must say, they are lovely!

Essential oils are very potent, so you only need a couple of drops per tablespoon of coconut or olive oil. I used coconut oil because it tastes better. It was so easy to make my own, and I've been able to use it for weeks! I just melted one tablespoon of coconut oil, added two or three drops of clove essential oil, and put them into a dropper bottle. (I tested the oil solution on myself to ensure that it was potent, but not too strong for baby.) It does harden, so I just fill the sink with hot water and sit the bottle of oil in the sink for a couple of minutes. (In hindsight, I should have poured it into a small container with a screw top lid, so that I could rub a little onto a finger. I will do that next time so that it won't have to be melted every time I use it.)

Sidenote: Whenever using essential oils, make sure they are pure essential oils from a reputable company like doTERRA or Young Living.

My secret to post baby weight loss Pt. 2

Although I lost quite a bit of weight soon after having Gideon, I still had some extra weight and had lost muscle. I have been somewhat active, although not nearly active as I was without a new baby. And I haven't been as consistent in my healthy diet. So, how have I gotten my body back into shape and kept off extra weight?

One word. Breastfeeding.

Secret #2: I have breastfed my son from the moment he was born, and I plan to continue breastfeeding for the forseeable future.

I know that breastfeeding is not for everyone. There are a lot of complications, and it can be difficult to be the only (or main) source of food for your infant. Day. After. Day. And weight loss is not the main reason that I breastfeed, but it is a really nice benefit. I eat so much sometimes, especially when little man has gone through a growth spurt and my supply is lagging, that my husband teases me about it.

The first few days and weeks were so hard. It was excruciating to feed Gideon, and he needed what seemed to be constant feeding. But my midwife and a very kind lactation consultant encouraged me that it would get better. And guess what? It did. We've had some rough patches, and there have been days that I wanted to run away and come back to a formula fed baby. But I know that my milk is best for my baby. I was designed to meet the needs of my child, and that process has helped my body lose the excess fat reserves that it stored while my baby was growing in my womb. What a beautiful process.

As a note, I know that this is not a one size fit all "solution" to weight loss. I have talked to friends who breastfed and ate healthy, and it didn't seem to help them lose weight. My experience is that it has helped me. Every body is different. Dieting (unless it is a change in diet toward healthier, better portioned foods), in my opinion, is never a healthy way to lose weight.

My secret to post baby weight loss Pt. 1

Writing two posts a month seems to be about my quota right now. Although there are plenty of thoughts rolling around in my mind, the time slips away from me and I don't get them down on cyber paper. Ah, such is life.

One of my greatest concerns with pregnancy was the amount of weight I'd gain. Although it was vain, yes, it stemmed from my knowledge that losing weight is difficult.

I gained weight my freshman year in college (freshman fifteen, anyone?), mostly due to the fact that there was a coffee shop on my way to almost every class. Caramel lattes were my drink of choice. Holy calories. I spent a year working out and eating uber-healthy (due to health concerns), slowly watching my body transform.

Fast forward to pregnancy and all I could think about was how much work it took for me to get into shape a few years prior. And I was slowly watching the pounds pack on. Admittedly, the first trimester was not my greatest health victory. I felt sick all the time, and the only foods that were appetizing were not healthy. I did my best, but my body definitely paid for some of my food choices. The rest of my pregnancy, I was much more consistent about eating a healthy and balanced diet. I still ate pizza, fries, and milkshakes, but not regularly. I guzzled water. And I didn't bloat at all.

Much to my amazement, I lost much of my pregnancy weight almost instantly. Now, I know that is not the case for everyone, and I felt very blessed. Genetics does play a role in pregnancy and weight loss. But my food sacrifices in the second and third trimester paid off.

Secret #1: Don't eat the junk that makes you gain extra weight during pregnancy. I didn't have extra ice cream sundaes, potato chips, and sugary drinks to work off...because I never ate them.

Sustenance

The past couple of weeks have been exhausting. (Okay, let's be realistic, the past several months have been exhausting.) In the crazed commotion of the past couple of weeks, my main goal in life has been to survive. Heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? I'm on the bottom level right now. Aaaaand there's the baby waking up from his morning nap...

...and I'm back! Baby is sleeping, I'm eating lunch. Stuff it, Maslow, I'm rocking the basic needs today! Don't worry, I'm not going to venture too far up the pyramid.

With my goal being survival, I haven't really invested much energy into anything else. I've been sleeping as much as possible, scraping by with the bare minimum of having some sort of food to eat and showering most days. And that's about it. Despite the ridiculous amount of help I've been getting, mostly from my amazing hubby, I'm still drained. We're talking brain rattling, zombie drained.

My sweet boy has been teething, and the only thing he wants is to nurse. He's started pursing his lips when you try to give him anything else. Binky? No way, you can't trick me! Teether? No thank you, mama! Teething gel? HA, that's for babies! It's cute, and then it's just not.

What I've realized through his little lip pursing escapade is that he knows what he wants and he knows where to get it. We've often chuckled over the past few months as he wiggles down to chest level because he wants to eat. It's usually cute.

He knows from where his sustenance comes, and he will do just about anything to get there.

Well, I know from where my sustenance comes, but I don't always put up a fight to get there. The verdict is out: I will often encounter draining situations, and many times, I will need help. Oh, how I need help. But I also need to remember that my Sustenance is not far away, and even if I don't get sleep, there is still energy and strength available to meet my lack. It's just one "Lord, help me" away. It's worth fighting for.

He's waking again. That was a short nap. Lord, help me.

Out of the heart the mouth speaks

I make a lot of decisions that other people would not make. Those people make decisions that a lot of other people would not make. And those people make a lot of decisions that other people would not make. I hope you see where I'm going with this.

When it comes down to it, we all have a lot of deciding to do. We can follow tradition. We can follow the opinion of others, like a friend or a person of power. We can follow a personal conviction that comes from our morals or faith. We can decide to do what is cultural because we don't know much about something and choose to just go with the flow. We can decide to what is countercultural because we don't know much about something and choose to just go against the flow. We can decide to do what is cultural or countercultural because we have thought it out and have a reason to do so.

There are also a lot of other reasons behind our decisions.

I could probably give you a mile long list of the things I've decided to do/believe, and I'm sure that I could find someone that disagreed with me about each and every one of them.

I see things everyday in the media that I don't agree with. I do believe in the way that I do things, or I wouldn't do them that way. That means I'm not just being all postmodern about this, and saying that everyone's way is the right way.

But I have a serious problem when people put others down or make negative blanket judgments about all people who have made a different decision than theirs.

It is hurtful and destructive. It can stem from many things, but in the end, it is saying that someone else is stupid and wrong for making the decision they have made. And, especially if they have carefully thought out reasons for making that decision, it is incredibly insulting.

Let's be honest, what good does it do? It rallies the people who already believe the way that you do, and it causes the other people to either leave your comment and ask forgiveness for wanting to strangle you or say something about it and get pounded by the rallied group of people who support you. That's not building one another up, that's tearing one another down.

And, frankly, I don't want to be a part of that. So I will walk away and ask forgiveness.

And I pray that I am not the one making those destructive comments. May we all be convicted of the hurtful things we say to others, so that maybe, one day, we'll actually live out love and compassion for others, including those who don't agree with us and have made decisions that we don't like.

(title credit to Matthew 12:34)

Oh poo!

In the few short months that Gideon has graced us with his presence, we've have our fair share of messes. Through it all, I've grown pretty immune to most of the nasties associated with babies. Today rocked my boat a little.

There we were, sitting in the office chair for just a minute so that I could quickly check something on the computer. Gideon was pretty tired and about ready to take a nap, so I had him sitting on my lap while I typed. I didn't hear what came next. I felt it. The warmth of fresh diaper droppings. But this was extra warm...and wet. I suddenly yanked Gideon up and looked down, and to my horror, found a pool of baby poo in the crease where my legs met. Yes, a POOL!

I quickly grabbed the burp rags I had (thankfully we use flat cloth diapers as burp rags!) and mopped it up. Rushing into Gideon's room, I avoided the pool that had settled on the plastic mat underneath the chair. Gideon cleaned up quickly and I got him to bed.

The feeling of fresh baby poo running down my legs is something I've experienced one too many times (this was the first time, if you're wondering). It took two soaks and washes to get it all out of my pants.

The ravages of baby poo warfare had also seeped into the upholstery of my office chair. In my hurry to clean up Gideon and myself, I hadn't even noticed!

I think it's all cleaned up now. I'm very thankful that there was a plastic mat covering the carpet. I'm also very thankful that I've had a stuffy nose all week.

There's always a bright side, right?

A courageous occupation

My dreams are often fairly mundane, most of them unmemorable. Maybe it's my analytical mind. Maybe it's that I'm so tired lately that I just don't remember.

This dream was different.

In it, I was talking to someone about the main attraction of my life right now. They inquired about my adjustment to parenthood and my plans for returning to work. In the dream, I told them I had decided to stay home with Gideon. Their response is what stuck with me: "How did you come to such a courageous decision?"

As I was running a couple of days later and this dream came to mind, I thought about that question. Courage? This word baffled me when related to being a stay at home mom.

Growing up, I thought that staying home with your children is the easy road. If you really have grit, I thought, you will work outside of the home and be a mom. I'm a pretty independent, determined woman, and I always thought that if I stayed home with my children, I would be wimping out.

I never would of thought of myself as courageous for staying at home with my little man.

During that run, I realized a few things:

It takes courage to be alone all day with an infant (or toddler or older child), and then to at least help care for that child through the evening and night.

It takes courage to have no idea what you are doing, figure it out (sort of), rinse and repeat. Day. After. Day.

It takes courage to trust in the Lord that He will guide you as you fumble through this job called motherhood.

It takes courage to give up what you could have been, at least for a portion of your life.

It takes courage to face the isolation that comes from only being around little people most of the time.

It takes courage (and patience) to emulate the example for your children that you want to set 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sometimes that means demonstrating how to ask for forgiveness.

Not to say that working outside of the home and being a parent isn't courageous. I know it is. And I have great friends who do both, and I salute them for that.

But I need to stop selling myself short and give myself a little credit for all that I do as a stay at home momma. And to all you other stay at home parents: You are courageous. You are fierce. Your efforts will not be in vain.

Oh, and by the way, Happy Independence Day, everyone!

Enjoying every moment

A couple of weeks ago, I re-posted a blog post to facebook that struck a chord. This quote has had me thinking ever since: "We know it's true that they grow up too fast. But feeling like I have to enjoy every moment doesn't feel like a gift, it feels like one more thing that is impossible to do, and right now, that list is way too long. Not every moment is enjoyable as a parent; it wasn't for you, and it isn't for me. You just have obviously forgotten."

I'm the kind of person who is never satisfied with average. My husband and I got to know each other in college spanish class, and we always joke about the fact that if he scored 100% on a test, I scored 101%. The truth is, I'm known to go above and beyond the call of duty (no, not the video game!). I don't like committing to anything unless I feel certain that I will be able to follow through for the forseeable future. Therefore, when someone tells me to enjoy every moment, I take them literally and hold myself to the standard of enjoying every single moment with Gideon.

And then days like yesterday happen. Gideon poops out of his diaper. We change his entire outfit. As soon as I pull up his shorts, he poops again. Off with the shorts, open the diaper, grab wipe, turn around, and he has peed all over himself, the changing pad, and the carpet. I'm talking drenched carpet. Off with the outfit, on with a new one. And then he spits up. Everywhere. He's also upset and tired because we took his three month photos the night before. Needless to say, he is not enjoying the back to back outfit changes.

Did I enjoy this? Honestly, not at all. I was tired and had a headache because Gideon had been up a lot the night before (also due to three month pictures...oh, what I'm willing to put up with for some cute photos)!

Here's the thing, though. At the end of the day, when it's time to put him to bed, I linger with him a little as I rock him in the chair. When I change his diaper and he's happy as can be, I play with him on the changing table instead of doing something more productive. In the morning, there's nothing better than singing our wake up song and seeing him smile at me. And, sometimes after a middle of the night feed, I rock him longer than I need to as he falls asleep in my arms. These moments, I savor.

When people tell me to enjoy every moment, instead of feeling like a failure for wanting to pull my hair out when he goes through three outfits simultaneously, I remember all of the moments that I do enjoy. And I realize that they just wish they had enjoyed more sweet moments with their babes.

At least I'm trying

I've had many ideas for blog posts lately, and I've even started writing one. For some reason, I just wasn't able to finish. My thoughts weren't quite put together. Maybe that's because I get little spurts of time while the babe is sleeping... :)

I've started working out again, which I highly recommend. Not having much time right now, it is not only about the physical exercise, but also a time to think. In fact, it has been during those times that I've come up with ideas for blog posts recently. It can be hard to find time for myself amidst the craziness of chasing the spit up trail, changing dirty diapers, feeding the little one, and blowing my tongue at the sweet babe to catch a smile. But, when I do escape for a few minutes, I usually come back at least a little rejuvenated. There have, admittedly, been a couple of times that I came back feeling more stressed because I wasn't able to let go of the endless list of should-dos and the relentless questions of whether or not I'm doing this right. And, there have been other times that I needed a nap more than a run, so I skipped the workout and let myself rest while Grant watched Gideon. Ah, the balance of life.

I may not always get it right, but at least I'm trying. That's a good motto for me!

It's hard to walk away from that cute face!

All bundled up for his first trip to the park. It was a windy day!!

We were just excited to get out of the house :)

Grant's masterful kite-flying abilities! He attached two kite strings together!

Smiles and coos

It's amazing how quickly Gideon changes. This weekend, we took our first road trip to Tulsa. Although he has been quite unhappy in his carseat on short trips into Wichita, he fell asleep on the drive and we couldn't wake him up! He did wake up to eat on the way into Tulsa and then became fussy when he realized he wasn't getting out of the carseat. Thankfully, we were almost to the hotel! On the way home, he woke up to eat and then fell asleep again. It messed up the rest of his day, but at least we had a peaceful drive.

Poor Gideon still has a stuffy nose. It seems to be waking him up more frequently than he would otherwise wake up. And, once he's awake, he's hungry. More work for momma. I keep praying that this would pass, and we have tried just about everything. Humidifier. Steamy bathroom. Vapor wash in his bath. Nose drops. Three different aspirators. (The one that uses your own mouth suction has, by far, worked best for us. BabyComfyNose is the one that we have. Nosefrida is another one that people seem to really like. Gross, I know! The adage "you will do anything for your kids" is coming true in my life!) I'm just praying that this passes soon. It's been well over two weeks.

Last Tuesday (April 29), Gideon rolled over from his belly to his back for the first time. Daddy was taking care of him in the morning while I got a little extra rest. He laid him down in his crib for a minute to use the restroom, and when he got back, Gideon was on his back! He had managed to not only roll over, but to pee out of his diaper, his clothes, onto the crib sheet, bumper, down the crib, and onto the carpet! Now that takes talent! Try as I might (by giving him lots of tummy time), he hasn't rolled over again. Hopefully I don't miss it this time when he succeeds! :)

He has still been spitting up quite a bit. We've gotten to the point that we can tell when it's coming, so we can at least minimize the mess a little! He mainly spits up during daytime feedings, so I've tried limiting his feeding time. It's difficult, because I have no way of knowing that he's had enough to eat. I don't want to feed him too much so that he spits up a lot, but I also don't want to keep him from eating and then have him wake up early from a nap or in the middle of the night.

He is just a smily, happy baby most of the time. This weekend, he was very focused on me and smiled frequently. It is so neat to know that he knows who I am and wants to interact with me. Daddy has been making silly noises for him, and he will smile and coo. I can tell that he loves his daddy very much!

We are enjoying this sweet, innocent stage, and praying that he will fully recover from this bug so that he will be able to breathe and sleep better!

Encouragement for the first few weeks

I'm mainly writing this because I want to remind myself of how difficult the first few weeks are with a precious little baby. (If I ever decide to submit myself to this torture again! Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic...I'll blame it on the hormones.)

Don't get me wrong, my Gideon is PERFECT! He is the cutest, most wonderful baby on planet Earth. He's even cute when he poops! The cuteness dwindles a tad when I realize the poop has shot out onto his back and sleeper, and then seeped through onto my shirt and pants.

Those first couple of weeks were exhausting. I was recovering from almost 48 hours with no sleep, I had no clue what I was doing (do I now?), and all I wanted to do was take 1000 photos of Gideon with every facial expression, outfit, and appearance of emotion.

My milk started to come in, he seemed to be growing well, and everyone was happy.

I felt like I had this parenting thing under control...for about a day! It's all a bit of a blur, but I remember that we started having a hard time getting him to go to sleep. He woke up to the world and it wasn't as simple as it had been. We had a rough few days, and he probably went through a growth spurt somewhere in there. I don't even remember!

Once again, we figured out how to help him to sleep, I started experimenting with feeding which helped with spit up off and on, and I continued to regain energy. We had a couple of bumps in the road: we pushed it too much one weekend, which completely wore me out, and I had an infection that took a few days to get over. Overall, though, things were going well.

Sometime after four weeks, he refused to do much of anything but be held while awake (and falling to sleep). No more sitting him in the bouncer while I make food, no more laying him on the play mat so I can pick up a bit. And, of course, he must be help upright, preferably over my shoulder. Talk about exhausting.

When he was about five and a half weeks, things got really wonky. He wouldn't go down to sleep anymore, sometimes taking an hour or longer to fall asleep! His naps, especially the morning ones, started becoming shorter and shorter (down to about thirty minutes). He missed a couple of naps because he wouldn't sleep. And then, the dreaded six week growth spurt. At least, that's what I think it is. We're still in the middle of it. He ate about every two hours yesterday, slept a decent stretch after feeding at 9:30pm, and then I was up every two hours. All. Night. And he wouldn't go back down to sleep easily. I thought we were over that for good.

We did buy a little portable swing and he seemed okay in it for about fifteen minutes while I made some lunch this afternoon. He's gone to sleep with only about 10-15 minutes of fussing for his naps today. I'm standing on God's promise that his grace is sufficient to carry me through and that His strength is more than enough to take care of Gideon.

And I'm encouraged that this is a, hopefully short, season!

There's not much compromising with a six-week-old

The only constant in life is change. This idea was introduced to me as a fumbling young graduate student in my Marriage and Family Therapy program. I felt pretty good about myself, like I had it all together. I mean, I was a graduate student, after all. That made me pretty important, right?

Two years later, I felt like I had been slapped in the face one two many times and I had learned much about myself (like the fact that I'm not really that important, after all). Since graduating almost two years ago (how has it been that long?!), I have struggled with many "life issues." Whether or not to work full time, when to start a family, what does God want to do with my life already?

Now that we have our first baby, where do I find myself? Back at "the only constant in life is change." If you know me very well at all, you know that I'm a fairly structured, routine driven person. If you know babies at all, you know that they are the most unstructured and routine-less human beings. Guess who has to give in this scenario? There's not much compromising with a six-week-old.

So, lesson re-learned from grad school: I can take comfort in knowing that my constant is change. If I'm being honest, I know that change is good. Change is growth, literally when it comes to my baby. If only I'd see other changes in my life as the invisible growth that makes me a better person.

I will not forget you

I feel like I only post when things have been really difficult. It seems like those difficult moments are the times that bring the most clarity to my life. Those are the moments in which I learn the greatest lessons and make the largest strides in my journey. We persevere through trials and the work that is done in us produces maturity (James 1:2-4).

Being a new mom is challenging. Anyone that has been a new parent knows this; anyone who has not has surely heard this to be true. As I sat quietly with the Lord, listening to what He has likely been trying to tell me for a while now, I realized that He doesn't want me to do everything just right in taking care of Gideon. God is not interested in my perfection. He is interested in my affection.

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" (Isaiah 49:15) Even in my most desperate moments of frustration, I quickly remember how much I love my sweet baby. I could never forget Gideon or run out of compassion for him. And although there are earthly mothers who can do this (which is hard for me to even imagine), God promises that He will never forget us!

My compassion, my love for Gideon, is all that I need to be a good mother to him. It is my affection that he needs, not my perfection. As I lay down my life for my son, I am fulfilling the calling to which I have been chosen: Gideon's mother. And I am reminded that God's love, His unfailing compassion, is always there to be my saving grace. It will never run out. My love for Gideon is but a shadow of the perfect love that God has for me.

No guidebook for Gideon

The past two weeks have been a blur of feeding, spit up, feeding, pooping, spit up, baby sleeping, trying to get things done, and more pooping and feeding. I had no idea how difficult this stage of life would be with a newborn.

About an hour after Gideon was born!

The afternoon after he was born - beautiful weather allowed us to take him outside for a bit!

Some moments, I am overcome by my baby boy's adorable perfection; I hope that I never forget his crying squeaks, his sleepy smiles, the way he looks at me in wonderment, his fascination with the world around him, his coos and gurgles, even his scrunchy face when he has to poo. Other moments, I want nothing more than to go somewhere all alone and de-stress from the fact that it just took over an hour and a half to feed, change (whole outfit change because he just spit up all over his previously pristine outfit), feed again (he was still hungry after spitting up so much), and get him back to sleep.

Sleepy smile

Sweet sleeping baby

It seems like we go through stages...we figure one thing out, feel settled for a day or two, and then a new challenge presents itself. Through it all, I have been frustrated. Frustrated that I can't help my sweet Gideon the first time. Frustrated that I may have fed him too much and that's why he spit up. Frustrated that he just pooped...again! Frustrated that I forgot to put down a burp rag and he just spit up all over his crib sheet. Frustrated that I cannot get him to settle down. Frustrated that I still haven't had a chance to eat something or get myself that glass of water. Thankfully, Grant has been here and has been SO helpful. I can't even express how much he has done to get us through this time. And I know that he is also frustrated and tired.

Yesterday and today have been the most frustrating of days. Gideon has been eating almost non-stop, even through the night. He has been spitting up a lot, despite my continual efforts to burp him. He will settle for a little bit, and then he is fussy. I don't want to immediately feed him because he spit up so much, and I try everything to settle him down. Eventually, he starts rooting like a mad(baby)man, and I feed him again. My milk is squirting him in the mouth, causing him to choke every so often (poor baby). He settles after a time and gets to sleep. In the meantime, his spit up got all over the glider, my over-abundant milk supply has squirted everything within a foot radius (which means that I had to entirely change his outfit and mine because they were both drenched), and I changed at least one diaper.

No sleep for the weary.

Just Born and sleepy as can be! That lasted for a few days :)

And despite all of this - the fumbling around, trying to figure out what he needs, trial and error and trial again - I can see how God has provided for us every step of the way. As we cry out to Him, He has answered. The more confident I become in myself, the less I rely on the Lord. The less time I feel that I have to spend with God, the more dazed and alone I feel. When I turn again to the Lord, my Guide, I find that I am more at rest. I am better able to care for Gideon. I once again have His peace and remember that He has promised me time and again that He has prepared me for this. He has prepared me in many ways, but I am convinced that one of the main ways He prepared me was by helping me to rely more fully on Him.

There is no guidebook for Gideon, but there is a Guide.

Love, Mama, Papa, and Baby George

Honey, I think my water just broke!?

"Honey, I think my water just broke!?" was where it all began on Wednesday night, March 13, at 11:50 pm. Grant was in the bathroom brushing his teeth; we had such an enjoyable night that we were getting to bed a little late and I was fairly exhausted from a long day. My mother in law and I had gone to get pedicures and lunch that morning, I'd cleaned the kitchen, gone on a three mile walk, and ended the day with a nice, long bath and my Kindle (and I still really want to know what happens in the book I was reading!).

I had gotten up to go pee one last time before settling in to bed and thought I'd peed a little on the bed, so I quickly stood up to a huge gush of fluid onto the carpet. Completely shocked, I yelled for Grant, temporarily frozen in the moment. He came running, immediately left for towels, and I then hobbled to the toilet. This leaking and clean up continued for quite a while. We called the midwife, Kathy, who told us to get some rest and call her in the morning since my contractions hadn't started. Before bed, we got everything ready for the morning, and I tried to get some sleep.

Somewhere around 2am, my contractions started and they were pretty strong. I'd had bouts of contractions the previous Saturday and Monday nights, and these were much more intense. At about 4:15am, I couldn't do it on my own anymore and had Grant get up to help me through some of them. We used several positions from our birthing class that the other midwife, Ginger, had taught. My favorite was the dangling squat, which Grant says he also enjoyed because he was able to help me through some of the pain and feel close to me.

We called Kathy just after 7am, because I was having some contractions really close together and then would have short breaks. She had us stop by her office at 9:30am. I really wanted scrambled eggs, but we didn't have time to make any, so we stopped by McDonald's to get some. They asked us to pull ahead because it would be a few minutes on the eggs. Grant asked how long and explained that I was in labor. The woman slammed the door shut, yelled something to the back, and another woman came running up to the window about 30 seconds later and practically threw the bag at us. It was rather hilarious!

At the office, I was dilated to about 4-5 cm, so Kathy sent us over to the Birth Inn, suggesting that we take a walk around a nearby park on our way. We got around the 3/4 mile path once before I was too cold and had to use the restroom really badly. We stopped by a different McDonald's so that I could use the restroom, and a kind middle aged man talked to Grant while I was away. He told Grant that having a baby is a good thing, but what Grant remembers most is the smile on his face. It was a sweet moment in our story.

At about 11am, we arrived at the Birth Inn, and I rested while Grant got everything inside. We took a walk a while later and ended up at Sonic so that Grant could get some food, realized he didn't bring his wallet, and walked back to the Birth Inn. We started walking down the street that the Birth Inn is on, but my contractions were getting pretty intense, so we quickly headed back.

I was really tired again, so I rested, and then we started watching Finding Nemo. I was trying to get through contactions on my side, but they were getting really intense so I laid back for a few minutes. Ginger walked in the door sometime around 1:30pm, right as I was having an intense contraction. She checked on the baby, who was doing great, and I went out on the birthing ball. A while later, after complaining about back pain, Ginger suggested that I try leaning over the birthing ball through a contraction. It was pretty intense, but I breathed and moaned through it, and I suddenly felt a little pop which brought some relief. This was a milestone that enabled me to continue pressing into the contractions, rather than pulling away.

From there, the rest of the afternoon is a bit of a blur. Kathy arrived, and Grant and I worked the contractions until they got really intense. I started crying, I think around the time I hit transition. It was a sweet release, and I had the strength to go on. I continued to use the birthing ball, and Kathy offered me the tub, which I had previously said I wanted to use. I declined, saying that I felt like I was doing well and didn't want to change anything.

A while later, they suggested the tub again and Grant encouraged me to give it a try. I was experiencing some very intense contractions and we thought it might be of help. I got in the tub, worked a couple of contractions, which did seem to help me jump a hurdle, but then I became overheated and felt like I might pass out. Grant went to get the midwives, who quickly came in and got me out of the tub. At this point, they checked me and I was just a smidgen under 10cm dilated. They tried to help me get through to 10cm, but it was too painful. We moved around a lot on the birthing bed and the toilet. I seriously felt that I couldn't do it, but I was consistently reassured by Kathy and Ginger that my body was made to do this. I remember several times staring into their eyes, pleading them to silently soothe my fears. They were both wonderful and gave me some extra boosts of strength. Soon after, I felt like I needed to push.

I was squatting, on my hands and knees, on my side, and probably doing other gymnastics that I don't even remember. Grant was helping me squat (and by helping, I mean holding me up completely!). He was so reassuring, as he had been during the entire labor, and I am certain that he gave me the strength to keep pushing when it was hard. They showed me Gideon's head as it was crowning, and I remember little more than seeing it. Grant later told me that I said, "That's my baby" and had a smile of pure joy on my face, despite my pain. There were several times during the two hours that I didn't think it was going to happen. Near the end, I started crying out to Jesus, thanking Him. I repeated it over and over again. My birth playlist played perfect songs at a couple of crucial moments, reminding me not to give up. Two hours of pushing later, and we finally got to meet our sweet Gideon.

It was difficult, there is no denying it. But I am so, so thankful that we welcomed our Gideon into the world this way. Grant said that people told him to cut the cord because he will always remember it; and he did cut the cord, and he will always remember it. But he was there every step of the way: holding me up, watching the baby's head bob in and out, speaking words of encouragement to me.

Looking back, I can see that my I had just what I needed to make it through this birth. My contractions on Saturday night and Monday night were very tiring and distressing to me. At my 39 week appointment on Tuesday, I was somewhat distraught about how much longer I would be going through this. Kathy reassured me that it was good to have contractions, because every contraction I had before labor was one less contraction during actual labor. Given that my water broke before contractions started Thursday, I am thankful that I endured the others when I had time to rest up afterwards. God equipped me and provided for me, even though I was discouraged and frustrated.

Watermelon

Week 39...just one week away from our due date, and I'm still feeling great! We have had a really nice week. Although it's been pretty busy, we have found some time for fun and relaxation together :) We went to Oz The Great and Powerful on opening night. It was a good movie, despite the fact that I could not get comfortable the entire movie! We also went out to dinner before the movie and to a favorite coffee shop of ours afterwards. It was a nice, long date night!

I finally had the energy to stay out for several hours on a date night because I've amazingly been sleeping better over the past week (with the exception of last night - can't have a full week of sleep, I suppose!). I've been taking naps, so maybe that has helped keep me from becoming overtired. I've also been grateful for the nicer temperatures that we've had over the past few days - I've been able to get outside in the fresh air and take some nice walks. Between the sleep, fresh air, and exercise, I am feeling as good as is possible!

39 weeks - wowza!

Even though most of your organs are almost completely developed, your brain and nervous system are still developing, as they will after you are born. We can tell that you keep growing, because there is hardly any space left in my belly! You are so cramped in there that my belly feels rock solid. At this point, your height and weight are a complete mystery, but you are at or very close to how big you will be at birth!

Right now is all about the waiting game! We've completed the finishing touches on the nursery this week and my mile long to-do list is almost all crossed off! There are still a few things I'd like to do before baby arrives, but nothing that absolutely has to be done. It's crazy to think of how much we've done and how quickly the time has passsed! Everyone keeps telling me that time will slow to a stand still, but that hasn't happened yet. We are really excited to relax and enjoy some time without any pressing projects.

For me, the most difficult part is knowing that soon, I won't have my baby with me all of the time. As much as I want to meet him, I also don't want this stage of our journey to end. I know that it will bring great things, but it is healthy to mourn losses, even when those losses lead to good things. American culture does not encourage healthy mourning, rather expecting us to "move on" and "toughen up." Ironically, I believe that mourning gives us the strength we need to keep going in life. I am hopeful that my acknowledgement of these sometimes chaotic feelings will enable me to enjoy a smoother transition to life with our baby.

Love, the George family

Baby Boy's Nursery

About a year ago, one of the main reasons that we decided to renovate the basement was so that we could move our guestroom downstairs and create space for a baby room! Yes, we were thinking that we would start trying to have a baby last winter...but we didn't start trying until summer and got pregnant almost immediately! It was a bit shocking, and our house projects were suddenly pushed into overdrive. Here we are, a year later, and we reached our goal...the nursery is almost complete!

There is still some bare wall space for the last bit of decor that we are finishing. We can't wait for our little boy to be in his new room!

Love, the George family

Finished Basement!!!

After all of our hard work, we finally have the basement finished!!! It's been so nice to enjoy our new family room over the past couple of weeks. We still have a bit more organizing and decorating to do, but those things can wait until after we get settled in with baby; for now, we just want to relax and enjoy our home!

The family room is oh-so-cozy! We love watching shows down here or Grant plays video games while Cindy reads beside him.

Guest room! Pardon the decor all over the bed. We haven't had time to put everything up yet!

Beautiful new closet doors that we completely put stained and put in ourselves! Who knew that a closet could be so much work?!

Bathroom #3/Laundry room

New shelving that Grant installed...sneakily, a very time consuming project! But so nice to have!

We love having a bathroom downstairs, especially now that we spend more time in our family room. The sink is a utility sink, which doubles as a vanity and an incredibly useful laundry basin!

Our tiled in shower turned out beautifully - thank you, Dad Greenwald for making it look so pretty!

So, that's our basement. It may not be perfect, but we are so proud that we did it ourselves (with a lot of help from our dads, of course!) Thanks to both of them for all of their hard work and countless hours spent helping us transform our home!

Love, the George family

Pumpkin

It's hard to believe that this week is an update on our "little" pumpkin! Inside my belly, he seems so huge, but once he's out in the real world, I'm sure he will seem so tiny! All in perspective, right?

This week has been a nice week overall. It was a bit hectic, but we accomplished a lot and are now enjoying some down time and finishing up the last few projects. My main pregnancy symptom right now is that I am always tired. Even typing that just now made me yawn! And I just took a nap! I suppose it's my body's way of getting me to store up some sleep in preparation for the marathon that will be labor.

Our pumpkin baby at 38 weeks

Once again, it is incredibly hard to estimate height and weight this week! An average would put you at 6.5 pounds and 19.5 inches! You've gained quite a bit of fat to make you look more like a little human over the past week. Most likely, you will continue to gain some weight and put on more fat until you are born. You are practicing breathing and you have already developed what I like to call "the baby death grip," or the ability to grasp tightly with your fingers.

We are getting really excited about meeting our prince! It seems to become more "real" each day. When I see a commercial for baby-related items or see babies at the store, I can't help but think about our little guy. We talk about what he might look like, even though the conversation usually ends in, "who knows?!" We are getting closer to a name, which is also exciting! The most exciting news of the week was that my Group B Strep test came back negative - no antibiotics in labor, hooray!!!

I have finally gotten to the uncomfortable stage where there are not really any relaxing positions. Whether I am sitting, standing, laying - there is almost always something strained or aching. Feeling like my body is not my own at all is definitely the hardest part of pregnancy right now. Despite this feeling, I am still enjoying being pregnant. I will miss having this special bond with our precious baby! Here's to savoring the last few weeks!

Love, the George family

Winter melon

This week can be summed up in one word: SNOW! What started off as a normal week ended with 14.2 inches of snow - the second largest snowfall amount in recorded history for Wichita! Just when I thought Spring was right around the corner, old man winter came back with a vengeance. (As I type this on Monday morning, we are getting more snow!)

Other than normal late term pregnancy sleep troubles, the week has gone really well. I have taken time out for a couple of extra naps and have been keeping up with yoga. Those things have seemed to help me continue to feel good. I just pray that it keeps going this way for a few more weeks!

37 weeks!

Now that you are officially "term," you could come any day and be ready to take on the world! Well, you might need just a little help from mom and dad, but your lungs are ready to breathe air and you will be able to eat on your own by now. It is overwhelming to think of how much you have developed over the past few months. I feel like you are growing up on me already! This week you might be around 19 inches and over 6 pounds.

Despite the adverse conditions from the snowstorm, we were determined to make our baby appointment this past week. So, we left early, bundled up, and took Grant's truck in 4WD last Thursday. I finally got my Group B Strep test out of the way. Baby's heart rate was 140 and I am still measuring on track. All good news to us! This weekend was also our second baby shower. We had a great turnout and were thoroughly blessed by friends, family, and neighbors!

Now that we have our second shower behind us, we've been BUSY getting everything washed and put  away, set up, and organized. Our nursery is just about fully stocked! Having that completed leaves us wanting a few weeks to rest and relax before baby comes. It's crazy to know that he could come tomorrow or he could come in five weeks! Although it would be nice to know when he will arrive, we are just trying to enjoy each day!

Love, the George family

Honeydew

There never seems to be a dull moment around the George household. This week, we went into crazy organizing mode and got everything cleared out of our great room in the basement! It looks so beautiful, every time I walk down there, I just can't help but smile! (Yes, organization truly does make me insanely happy...I know I'm weird!) It is one of the greatest acts of love and sacrifice that Grant has made for me. He doesn't care about things being organized nearly as much as I do, and he has worked so hard. Not only did he clear out the basement, but he cleaned out the GARAGE because we needed extra storage space. What a man! Now that's a Valentine's Day present I will remember. We were able to cuddle up and watch a (free) Redbox movie in our clean basement. :)

Grant did most of the moving around and organizing because I am on a sort of modified rest. I had my first contractions this week at 35 weeks, 1 day. Although they weren't regular, they were the real deal and my midwife just wanted me to slow down and take it easy so that I don't go into labor early. Although it has been difficult to not get things done, I have been able to slow down enough to reflect on the pregnancy and the many wonderful blessings I have in my life. I've been a lot more tired this week; it's like a flashback of the exhaustion from the first trimester. The upside is that I've been sleeping better!

Our honeydew baby!

It's really hard to know how big you are from this point on. Between three different websites, I found estimates ranging from 18.7 to over 19 inches in length and 5.75 to 6.5 pounds! Even though it doesn't seem like much of a variation, it could make a big difference by the time you get here. I do know that you are filling out my belly more and more every day. I get up each morning surprised by my "new" body! Your main job from now on is to gain weight. We want you to be a healthy, filled out little boy.

We're excited for our next appointment coming up late this week. Even though it means making the transition to weekly appointments, it also means that our baby's birthday is nearing! We are anxiously and eagerly anticipating his grand entrance! This week is my GBS test and I'll hopefully get my many questions answered...I've accumulated quite a few over the past couple of weeks.

Not knowing what to expect is the hardest part right now. The reality of impending labor hit me hard a few days after our last appointment, and because of scheduling, there is a three week gap in between that one and our upcoming appointment. It's given me plenty of time to realize that I feel clueless when it comes to late pregnancy symptoms and what to expect over the next month and a half! This journey is a continual challenge to give in to the unknown, becoming highly anxious or turn to my Abba Father. Some days go better than others, but at the end of each day, I know that He is in control and that He accepts me, no matter how horribly I may have handled the day. Praise God, for His mercies are new each day! He gives me the grace I need to grow by trial, and I am hopeful that Grant and I will be able to model His example of teaching to my child.

Love, the George family

Coconut

What a week! We have been very hard at work making the preparations for the baby's coming arrival. The bassinet is ready to go, with clean sheets put on. The car seat bases are installed into our cars, so we are both ready to incorporate our little one into our lives. Baby's clothes up to 3 months are all washed and put away, at least the ones we have so far. Our second shower is just a couple of weeks away, and it will be really nice to finish putting everything together! We've also spent a lot of time working on the family room in the basement, Grant installed shelving in our laundry room, and he cleaned out the garage! Phew! No wonder we are exhausted!

Symptoms this week have been in full swing. I've had more contractions/pains this week than the entire pregnancy thus far. I'm getting used to what this stage of pregnancy is going to be like, and I can see why women feel ready to have their baby already! Fatigue is starting to set in after going through a couple of almost sleepless nights. Guess it's back to the naps I enjoyed during the first trimester!

35 weeks already - wow!

You are about 18 inches and somewhere just over five pounds, and all of your major organs should be just about completely developed. This means that whenever you arrive, you will not likely have any complications. I can't believe that you are almost ready to start living in the outside world. Your kidneys are fully functioning and ready to start processing waste - we know what that means! You're ready to create lots of dirty diapers for us, and we are still getting used to the idea of diaper changes and feedings. Hopefully I learn to sleep when you sleep so that I can catch up on some of the rest I'm missing right now!

Right now, we are looking forward to another full week of getting things ready for you. Even though it can be tiring, it is fun to know that we are working hard for you. Our reward at the end of the week is a little weekend getaway for a Valentine's Day/last hooray before baby! We could not be more excited for the time devoted to relaxing together that we will have!

Waiting for our next appointment is the most anxiety provoking part of this stage of pregnancy. We have just over one week until our next appointment, and it seems like the questions just keep mounting. This stage of pregnancy presents more and more unknowns every day, and we are anxious to find out how everything is going and have some of our questions answered. Even though it seems like baby should be coming any day, we know that it will likely be 5-7 more weeks! Here's to patience!

Love, the George family

A gracious identity, part 2

As I have begun to truly understand this aspect of God, his grace, I have realized that I am not who I think I am. My fragile identity of perfection is a guise I have created in an attempt to be in control and to "save me from myself."

I have spent years working on my perfectionistic tendencies, and I have made progress. There once was a day that getting a "B" would have destroyed me. By the time I entered graduate school, I was okay with getting whatever grade I got, as long as I knew I had learned and had put forth good effort. I will admit that I never got lower than an "A" for a final grade, but I am confident that I would have been okay with it. There are many other areas in which I do not struggle with perfection in the same way I used to.

Even so, I still find myself at war with this elusive goal. With perfection still a part of my identity after years of work, I must either accept that it is just "who I am" or that I have missed something. I have wondered lately if the very thing I've been missing is the warm embrace of God's grace. Sure, I know I'm forgiven, but living in His grace is much more than understanding what it is. My obedience to Him requires me to accept myself fully: my faults, my weaknesses, my sinful tendencies. I was born into this world as a sinful being. It is by no act of my own that I have sinful tendencies. And this acceptance is in direct opposition to my self-identity.

This brings me to the crux of the issue for me: What is my identity? If I am really allowing God's grace to rule my life, how does perfection fit into that? I believe that we all develop identities based off of events in our lives. Although they may look different, they all serve the same purpose: protection. It may be perfection, like me. It may be humor. It may be hard work to an extreme. It may be needing to feel useful. It may be a hundred other things. But whatever it is, it keeps us from our true identities.

Butterfield, the author of the article I referred to in part 1, later wrote, "If Jesus could split the world asunder, divide marrow from soul, could he make my true identity prevail? Who am I? Who will God have me to be?" I believe that He can, as did she. (For more on her, read the article here.)

Though I may not understand how this will all work out in my life, I am confident that God will continue to reveal my true identity as I embrace every aspect of who I am. Though looking at the thorn is not beautiful, neither can the true beauty of a rose be comprehended by the sight of just one petal. I have a feeling that the journey will be more beautiful than the destination.

A gracious identity, part 1

"I expected that in all areas of life, understanding came before obedience." I read this quote by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield in an article she wrote for Christianity Today recently (read the article here). It resonated with some thoughts I've been having lately.

I've always placed an emphasis on my ability to perform well. Our education system sets us up to place the greatest importance in positive evaluations by others. Although these can be good measures of our effort, they can also be quite biased. I quickly learned how to please teachers. I was perceptive of what a teacher wanted out of me, regardless or whether or not I was learning all that I should have learned. It was less about the journey and more about the destination. My understanding of what I "needed to do" led to my obedience.

I've lately noticed that this has carried over into just about every area of my life, most importantly my spiritual life. I have a tendency to think of God in terms of how I can please Him. It is, therefore, difficult for me to really grasp ahold of His grace, both for myself and for others. In addition, I have realized that my propensity to please others has caused me to become enslaved to perfectionism. "Of course," I reason, "if I can do everything that [person] wants me to do, then I will be perfectly acceptable to them." If they are unhappy with me (or I think they are unhappy with me...or they are even just unhappy in general), then I have failed. My perfection falters and then crashes to the ground in a thousand shards of fragile glass. Or I can find some fault in them, in order to preserve my identity.

Where is grace in all of this? There is no grace for myself...no grace for others. And yet God based His greatest act of all time on grace. Jesus died to extend to us the grace that we need to be redeemed from our sinful nature. Though I often do not understand God's instructions, I must obey. Although it makes sense to me to do exactly what others advise me to do and for them to be pleased with me, what good will this do if God is not pleased in me? If I am more concerned with God's acceptance, then I can forgive myself of making a mistake; my fragile identity will not falter; I will have no need to find fault in others. His grace has a major reverberating effect on the lives of many, and it is through my obedience that I will find an ability to rest in and extend this grace.

The BFP!

The first month we tried, I didn't really understand the "optimal window of fertile opportunity," which is 2-3 days before you ovulate. This is why you need to know your body well, even with use of ovulation test strips (get the lowdown on ovulation prediction here).

To be honest, I was disappointed when I saw the negative pregnancy test the first month. My period was a day late and I was just sure that we'd been successful. I told Grant that he shouldn't take hot baths and started looking into other silly changes we could make. I wrestled with myself and with God, until I came to a peace that God was in control and that He was going to see His will done in our lives, no matter what that looked like. We got pregnant month 2 of trying. If you find that charting is not working for you, don't dismay. From what I've read, it doesn't work for everyone. I've had friends get pregnant on accident doing natural family planning (or even on birth control) and I've had friends who can't get pregnant despite every trick and tip they can find.



When you are ready to start taking a pregnancy test, you can use
the wonderful Wondfo again!  Pregnancy tests this time, of course. In the picture, pink is the pregnancy test. Find them here. I found, yet again, that pregnancy tests are really expensive, and I couldn't stop with just one test a month! I was too anxious and started early, so I went through about three our first month and about eight when we found out we were pregnant. I watched the line get darker and darker as the days went on.

I did end up going out and buying a more expensive version from Walgreens, but only because I couldn't believe it was true! Here is the one we used. Digital seemed more accurate when reason was far from my mind, but all it ended up being was a test strip that was read by a digital piece it went into. Despite the bad reviews, it worked for us, but I am definitely more loyal to Wondfo.