A couple of weeks ago, I re-posted a blog post to facebook that struck a chord. This quote has had me thinking ever since: "We know it's true that they grow up too fast. But feeling like I have to enjoy every moment doesn't feel like a gift, it feels like one more thing that is impossible to do, and right now, that list is way too long. Not every moment is enjoyable as a parent; it wasn't for you, and it isn't for me. You just have obviously forgotten."
I'm the kind of person who is never satisfied with average. My husband and I got to know each other in college spanish class, and we always joke about the fact that if he scored 100% on a test, I scored 101%. The truth is, I'm known to go above and beyond the call of duty (no, not the video game!). I don't like committing to anything unless I feel certain that I will be able to follow through for the forseeable future. Therefore, when someone tells me to enjoy every moment, I take them literally and hold myself to the standard of enjoying every single moment with Gideon.
And then days like yesterday happen. Gideon poops out of his diaper. We change his entire outfit. As soon as I pull up his shorts, he poops again. Off with the shorts, open the diaper, grab wipe, turn around, and he has peed all over himself, the changing pad, and the carpet. I'm talking drenched carpet. Off with the outfit, on with a new one. And then he spits up. Everywhere. He's also upset and tired because we took his three month photos the night before. Needless to say, he is not enjoying the back to back outfit changes.
Did I enjoy this? Honestly, not at all. I was tired and had a headache because Gideon had been up a lot the night before (also due to three month pictures...oh, what I'm willing to put up with for some cute photos)!
Here's the thing, though. At the end of the day, when it's time to put him to bed, I linger with him a little as I rock him in the chair. When I change his diaper and he's happy as can be, I play with him on the changing table instead of doing something more productive. In the morning, there's nothing better than singing our wake up song and seeing him smile at me. And, sometimes after a middle of the night feed, I rock him longer than I need to as he falls asleep in my arms. These moments, I savor.
When people tell me to enjoy every moment, instead of feeling like a failure for wanting to pull my hair out when he goes through three outfits simultaneously, I remember all of the moments that I do enjoy. And I realize that they just wish they had enjoyed more sweet moments with their babes.
