No guidebook for Gideon

The past two weeks have been a blur of feeding, spit up, feeding, pooping, spit up, baby sleeping, trying to get things done, and more pooping and feeding. I had no idea how difficult this stage of life would be with a newborn.

About an hour after Gideon was born!

The afternoon after he was born - beautiful weather allowed us to take him outside for a bit!

Some moments, I am overcome by my baby boy's adorable perfection; I hope that I never forget his crying squeaks, his sleepy smiles, the way he looks at me in wonderment, his fascination with the world around him, his coos and gurgles, even his scrunchy face when he has to poo. Other moments, I want nothing more than to go somewhere all alone and de-stress from the fact that it just took over an hour and a half to feed, change (whole outfit change because he just spit up all over his previously pristine outfit), feed again (he was still hungry after spitting up so much), and get him back to sleep.

Sleepy smile

Sweet sleeping baby

It seems like we go through stages...we figure one thing out, feel settled for a day or two, and then a new challenge presents itself. Through it all, I have been frustrated. Frustrated that I can't help my sweet Gideon the first time. Frustrated that I may have fed him too much and that's why he spit up. Frustrated that he just pooped...again! Frustrated that I forgot to put down a burp rag and he just spit up all over his crib sheet. Frustrated that I cannot get him to settle down. Frustrated that I still haven't had a chance to eat something or get myself that glass of water. Thankfully, Grant has been here and has been SO helpful. I can't even express how much he has done to get us through this time. And I know that he is also frustrated and tired.

Yesterday and today have been the most frustrating of days. Gideon has been eating almost non-stop, even through the night. He has been spitting up a lot, despite my continual efforts to burp him. He will settle for a little bit, and then he is fussy. I don't want to immediately feed him because he spit up so much, and I try everything to settle him down. Eventually, he starts rooting like a mad(baby)man, and I feed him again. My milk is squirting him in the mouth, causing him to choke every so often (poor baby). He settles after a time and gets to sleep. In the meantime, his spit up got all over the glider, my over-abundant milk supply has squirted everything within a foot radius (which means that I had to entirely change his outfit and mine because they were both drenched), and I changed at least one diaper.

No sleep for the weary.

Just Born and sleepy as can be! That lasted for a few days :)

And despite all of this - the fumbling around, trying to figure out what he needs, trial and error and trial again - I can see how God has provided for us every step of the way. As we cry out to Him, He has answered. The more confident I become in myself, the less I rely on the Lord. The less time I feel that I have to spend with God, the more dazed and alone I feel. When I turn again to the Lord, my Guide, I find that I am more at rest. I am better able to care for Gideon. I once again have His peace and remember that He has promised me time and again that He has prepared me for this. He has prepared me in many ways, but I am convinced that one of the main ways He prepared me was by helping me to rely more fully on Him.

There is no guidebook for Gideon, but there is a Guide.

Love, Mama, Papa, and Baby George