Even with a completely worry free first pregnancy, I found myself searching for statistics on miscarriage risk in the first trimester. My second pregnancy seemed to be going well. Though my symptoms were mild, I had felt relatively well during my first pregnancy. Yet, something was ticking at the back of my mind.
Statistics became my comfort. I googled them regularly and continually searched for more.
I now see them for what they are: an illusion of control; an "It won't happen to me." Even when there is a 0.0001% chance, it's happened to someone. And my guess is that they didn't think it would happen to them, either.
Statistics are useful. They chart growth, mediate risk, prove overall efficacy.
But when it comes down to the chances of something tragic happening to me, statistics are a fake failsafe. I didn't think I would have a miscarriage; the odds were in my favor. I've known people who have had numerous live births and not one pregnancy loss. I've known others who have had several miscarriages and not one live birth. I've known people to tragically die in accidents and others to miraculously survive against all odds.
What's the moderating factor? I don't know.
When bad things happen, blame easily falls on lacking faith or retribution for bad deeds. And while these may be true at times, I don't think it is true for the majority and it surely isn't my place to determine what is to blame. Because when I'm honest, I don't know.
But there is one thing I do know. This world is fallen and depraved. God's grace is everywhere. Sometimes it's seen on Earth and sometimes it's in the open arms of Jesus in Heaven.
Statistics became my comfort. I googled them regularly and continually searched for more.
I now see them for what they are: an illusion of control; an "It won't happen to me." Even when there is a 0.0001% chance, it's happened to someone. And my guess is that they didn't think it would happen to them, either.
Statistics are useful. They chart growth, mediate risk, prove overall efficacy.
But when it comes down to the chances of something tragic happening to me, statistics are a fake failsafe. I didn't think I would have a miscarriage; the odds were in my favor. I've known people who have had numerous live births and not one pregnancy loss. I've known others who have had several miscarriages and not one live birth. I've known people to tragically die in accidents and others to miraculously survive against all odds.
What's the moderating factor? I don't know.
When bad things happen, blame easily falls on lacking faith or retribution for bad deeds. And while these may be true at times, I don't think it is true for the majority and it surely isn't my place to determine what is to blame. Because when I'm honest, I don't know.
But there is one thing I do know. This world is fallen and depraved. God's grace is everywhere. Sometimes it's seen on Earth and sometimes it's in the open arms of Jesus in Heaven.
"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (1 Cor. 13:12)
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